Sunday, May 16, 2010
My Mood
I am having one of those "I just want to be home with my kids" moments. It makes me sad. Sad that there's nothing I can do about it. Sad that my kids are soon going to forget that I was ever home with them all of the time. Sad that when Ethan asked today if he could go to a different day care (because he doesn't like the toys at ours), I hated that the words "day care" are even in his vocabulary. Sad that I am missing so much of what I could have with my boys every day. Sad that their toy room, which is a complete disaster area that can't even be played in, will probably not be clean for a very long time because it is not on the top of my priority list. Needless to say, I am not having a great moment. Although these moments make me sad, I am glad that I have these moments sometimes. It reminds me that I care. It reminds me that no matter how much I love my job and how difficult being at home was sometimes, I still just want to be a mom. It just pains me to know that I won't ever have Ethan at home with me full time again because he is starting school next year. And thinking about the possibility of that happening with Spencer also is horrible. I only got two short years to just be Spencer's mommy. I know that going to day care is not the worst thing that could happen to my boys (or me), but it is something I thought would never happen and sometimes it just feels wrong. Now I feel like I'm just complaining (remember how I said in my last post that I would later), so I am going to stop my rant.
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Don't worry so much about their toy room. You are spending time with your children instead of cleaning it, and that is what matters. The time will come all too soon when that room will stay clean, and then you will want to go back to when it wasn't and relive those moments again. You are making the best of a difficult situation, and your boys know that you love them. Honestly, that is what really matters.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I wish there were something I could say or do to change things...:(
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about your life not being how you'd wish it to be. There are days where my attitude is bad and I think "How did I make it to 30 without being married or having children?" My youngest cousin is married with a child, which is strange to think about. Luckily the feelings of frustration and sadness pass, as they will for you. Keep your head up cousin; you can do this.
ReplyDeletethis post makes me sad. :(
ReplyDeleteyou are doing your best. and you are a great mom. who cares about a messy toy room- or house for that matter. you have the right mind frame that your kids are more important than that. cheer up! i think you're great!